Sometimes, we want to “make” others happy to get what we think we need to feel happy. Making other people happy starts with the assumed feelings, needs and desires we assert on behalf of another.

When we seek to make others happy, it’s usually because we want their happiness to make us happy, to validate us, or to get attention. While these are basic human needs for children, as adults, we need to rely on ourselves to be our compass to happiness.

Making others happy so that we can feel happy means we are, perhaps unknowingly, making our feelings of happiness someone else’s responsibility. Often times, they can feel we are trying to make them responsible for something that isn’t their responsibility, even when we don’t realize it ourselves.

In a worst case, yet common scenario, this pressure and unwelcome need doesn’t feel good and can result in resentment and the other person taking advantage of us, since we handed them control over our self-worth. As the cycle continues, if we don’t get the reaction we were hoping for, we can get angry, sad or feel worse about ourselves. What a lose-lose situation!

Let’s cleanse our palate of trying to make others happy. Let’s let go of all that heavy energy of putting our self worth on the line, allowing someone else to determine our value. Seeking this method of being happy keeps us from getting inspired. Inspiration is not a tool to manipulate or get attention because we are so fulfilled doing what inspires us that we don’t need anyone else to approve.

We accept inspiration as it is for what it is in the exact moment we experience it. We are free and letting life flow, and we don’t even think about controlling the experience because it is so natural and enjoyable. We don’t need to try to prolong it for fear of losing the feeling. We don’t need to control other people to make our inspired moment more enjoyable.

Happiness Example: I would be happier if my partner gave me more appreciation. I don’t really like cooking, but I think I’ll go through a big ordeal and cook a big dinner! And if my partner doesn’t appreciate it, I’ll be so hurt and angry that I’ll never do it again.

Inspired Example: It’s okay if my partner doesn’t like fixing up old cars. I’ll work on my car on my own for a couple hours and then we’ll get together after. I’ll be in a great mood and in a better space to be a good partner after I spend some time doing what inspires me!