Trusting Others More Than Ourselves

2. TRUSTING OTHERS MORE THAN OURSELVES

Without trust, we feel unsafe. Life and people become unpredictable. We anticipate, we fear and we get paralyzed until we determine something definitive. We need to be able to figure out others before we can relax again.

Trust is an illusion. What we communicate to someone when we say, “I trust you” is really that “I trust you to put my best interest first. I expect you to protect me, take care of me and not to hurt me without exception. I expect you not to change your mind after telling me about who you are, what you think, how you feel, and what you intend to do.”

What we are really saying when we have to lean on trust in such a black and white way is that, “I don’t trust myself to be okay if you don’t put my interests first, if you hurt me, don’t protect me, or don’t take care of me. I want you to sacrifice honoring yourself if it’s compromised by me needing you to honor my wants and needs. I don’t trust that I’ll be okay if you change who you are, what you think, how you feel, or what you intend to do. I expect you not to change in a way that doesn’t suit my needs, wants or comfort.”

When we feel others have broken our trust, it feels personal. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz offers useful insight on not taking things personally. “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.” I encourage you to read his book to be refreshed by his life-changing perspectives.

The only trust we need is that of our own judgment and choices about what is best for us. We can trust that we know what we need, want and feel. We can trust that we will be okay if someone doesn’t put our interests first, hurts us, doesn’t protect us, or doesn’t take care of us. We can trust that if any of these experiences occur when we are adults, we will be able to make a circumstance-based decision on what we need to do about it. We can trust that we will be “okay” no matter what choices we make to honor ourselves and no matter what choices or behaviors others make in our lives. If we do that, we can pursue inspiration and experience life the way we’ve dreamed.