Chronic Indecisiveness

One symptom that we trust others more than ourselves is chronic indecisiveness. “Chronic” is an important distinction since some decisions indeed warrant time, strategy and reflection.

The reasons we can’t make decisions easily are often fear-based. They include fear of being judged, fear of being “wrong’ (judging ourselves, since “right” and “wrong” are nothing more than judgments), fear of other’s reactions and feelings (being met with disapproval, rejection or disappointment), and fear of not being “okay” after our decision. None of these revolve around trusting what we truly want, need or desire.

Indecisiveness creates a problem when it results in us living life in slow motion, when we are not pursuing our dreams and when we are operating from a place of fear instead of confidence. We aren’t leading our own life if we struggle with knowing and acting on what we want. We may not be authentic with our opinions or we may make choices because we think they are what someone else would want us to do, think or feel.

If we aren’t connected to our true selves and “don’t know who we are,” we look at decisions as a demand that we show who we are when we don’t want to and aren’t ready. We feel panicked, which makes decisions that much more muddled and difficult. We escalate each decision to feel like a gamble with our identity and self worth because every forced decision becomes an opportunity to be judged, and we’re not convinced that we want to show any indications of our identity, whether authentic or fake.

We are afraid we won’t be truly “seen” or that we’ll be misunderstood, even though we may not know who we are or how to show it. We are afraid someone won’t like us or won’t approve of us. Worse, when we are not brave enough to show and act as our authentic selves, we may try to portray a fabricated presentation of ourselves to try to earn acceptance.

If our fake portrayal of what we think is a “better” version of ourselves is rejected, we can only imagine how much more devastating and hurtful it would be if our true selves, with our authentic opinions and choices, were met with rejection. If we don’t think our true self is good enough, what do we have left if the fake version isn’t good enough either?

We shut down and allow even less of our true selves to show, which is the opposite of what we truly need and deserve. We begin to bury our true selves, making it harder for others to find or reject us, but also making it harder for us to find ourselves.

Indecisiveness itself doesn’t always impede happiness, except if we experience stagnation and lackluster settling for what other people prefer instead of what we’d most enjoy. If indecisiveness is creating a ceiling of happiness for you, it equally provides a solution.

We can use decisions as a way to start discovering our true wants and needs and building strength to let our true selves show.

Start with small opportunities to share what you like and don’t like. Start making small decisions in front of other people. Pay attention to times you don’t take a definitive opinion on a preference, especially when asked. “Easy going” and flexible can be great attributes, but not if they come at the price of not knowing your true self and taking the easy way out to let others decide for you.

When a friend asks where you want to eat, don’t deflect and let the other person choose. Pick your favorite spot or try a completely new one. Every time you make a decision that honors your true self, you are becoming more connected with your true self. You are becoming stronger every time you persevere through the fear of being judged or disapproved. Be comfortable saying no and stating your opinion when you expect someone else to disagree. Practice living life by your choices, even if someone else attempts to reject them. If you have someone in your life that will not like, love or support you for who you are, then they will always be a ceiling on your happiness, and a low one at that.

Celebrate your choices. You don’t have to be afraid that your decisions might be “wrong” because there is no one that can determine that for you. No matter how many pros and cons precede, an outcome can never be precisely predicted, and you can handle whatever follows. You will be “okay,” and if you start making small and big decisions from your true self, you’ll be on a new path to true happiness. You are here on this earth to share your unique perspective, enjoy what you like and express your true self.