Negative Self Talk

5. NEGATIVE SELF-TALK

The worst role the voice plays is negative self-talk. Internal dialogue feeding us with negative self-talk is something we have to change to live a happier life.

Can you imagine if we were capable of judging ourselves when we were babies? “I’m so fat, look at this pudge. It’s gross. I should put a shirt on; People can’t even tell if I’m a boy or a girl, how embarrassing; I am not good at anything except eating. Why would anyone want me around? I’m useless; my smile is so gummy. I don’t think I’ll smile until my teeth come in. I’ll just keep my mouth closed to hide how messed up my gums and teeth are.”

A baby being self-conscious about smiling? That is a heartbreaking notion. We were free of self-judgment when we were babies, and yet at some point, we developed a sensitivity that taught us to react with self-consciousness and negative self-talk.

You didn’t make up those negative thoughts all by yourself. Where do those words come from? When did the negativity develop? Whose voice was echoing in your head until you made it your own?

The negative self-talk voice is extremely destructive and likely won’t go away on its own without some real effort. That voice will talk you out of being inspired, doing things that inspire you, or knowing what inspires you. That voice may be the lowest ceiling for your happiness, and you deserve an infinite sky above you.

If you wouldn’t say those things to someone else you love, why are you saying them to yourself? If you were in a room with yourself as a kid, would you say those words looking into the eyes of an innocent child bursting to share who they are with you, deserving of kindness, love and acceptance? Put up or carry a childhood photo to remind yourself of how kind you would be to that fragile soul. You are still bursting with desire to share your true self and are worthy of kindness, love and acceptance, and this practice may help you re-connect with the pure human-ness we all share that needs nurturing.

You have to stand up to that internal bully and possibly to those who were externally part of creating that voice. You have to advocate for yourself and prove to yourself that you deserve better.

Beginning to have awareness around how often you have negative self-talk will help you start to separate it from your usual self. Replacing it with positive self-talk and positive affirmations is one step in practicing different behavior until it becomes more of a default. You’ll be building confidence by letting inspiration be positive self-expression. Counseling can also provide extra guidance and support to break through this low ceiling of happiness.

These choices and tools can all help you speak more lovingly to yourself as you would want someone to speak to those you love in your life, including yourself.